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Eye contact is also important for nurturing and connecting with our children. When we give them kind and gentle eyes, we meet a deep need in their hearts. Think of the way adults gaze at a baby: We coo at them and make noises to get them to look at us. Why not get your organisation listed in a UK business directory to help to boost your profile online?

We mirror their expressions and marvel at how cute they are. This is part of the normal attachment process many of our children did not experience. Thankfully, we can begin today to give them this healing gift.

One school day, amid the morning madness, I walked into the kitchen, where I saw instinctively modeling one of the simple skills drilled into us as we’ve worked to build trust and attachment. Our daughter was sitting on a stool at the counter, and I had gotten down low in front of her to gain eye contact. At first she refused to look at him, but then she glanced up. As he spoke softly to her, she looked in his eyes.

As they connected on this deep level, I touched her cheek; she smiled and hugged him. This simple tool reached her when words alone could not. Another tool to encourage eye contact is a gentle chin prompt—touching the child lightly under their chin or, in the case of a child who is not ready for touch, just holding your hand under their chin without touching.

Giving eye contact conveys how much you value your child, and requesting eye contact is a way to gain a child’s attention should you need to communicate an important message. Never use eye contact as an excuse to give your child a mean and angry stare; instead use your eyes to communicate in a loving and nurturing way. The goal here is to be healing. Give your child the experience he would have received if he had been with you from the beginning, when you could have cradled him in your arms and gazed at him with love.1